Piranha 3D (2010) Review

This Summer 3D Shows Its Teeth

Underwater tremors unleash a slew of ravenous, prehistoric piranhas on the unsuspecting horny teens partying during Spring Break.

What a blast!  If you’ve seen the trailer for the movie or heard any of the reviews, then you should know the movie is completely silly and made to be enjoyed, not analyzed or deconstructed.  Yes, this movie is all about the boobs, blood and laughs.  And that’s okay by me!  As far as story, well, there’s not much to it.  As described above, a bunch of flesh-hungry fish are unleashed onto a large group of teens celebrating Spring Break.  This thin plot is there to offer reasoning for why the piranhas are suddenly there, tearing large-breasted women to pieces.

A group of seismologists (AKA more victims) team up with Sheriff Julie Forester (played by the still smoking hot Elizabeth Shue) to investigate the fissure caused by the tremors.  Once two of the members are attacked, one of the piranhas is captured and taken to a marine biologist.  He tells them it’s bad, bad news and Julie decides to shut down Lake Victoria, the hot spot for all the Spring Breakers.

Meanwhile, Julie’s son, Jake, gets caught up in the Spring Break madness and inadvertently gets caught up in a “Wild Wild Girls” softcore porn shoot.  He takes the “Wild Wild Girls” crew along with his friend/crush, Kelly, on a boat right into the path of the piranhas.  To make matters worse, Jake’s little brother and sister find themselves trapped on a small island with no way to escape. 

Julie’s cries for the closing of the lake go unheard as the Spring Breakers ignore her warnings and booze it up.  That is, until the piranhas show up.  Gory carnage ensues!

Forget plot, forget story, forget believable characters.  This movie is all about the piranha attacks.  I was surprised that there were very few attacks throughout most of the movie.  While there are a few attacks here and there, the real good stuff doesn’t kick in until the last block of the movie but believe me, it is worth the wait.  There’s also plenty of female flesh to satisfy any red-blooded hetero male.  And hey, there’s even a little peen (no pun intended) for the gay guys to gobble up (pun intended).  And in a pleasant surprise, there was even some tension injected into some of the scenes.  And lastly, it was pretty darn funny in some spots.  As for the 3D aspect, some say it wasn’t worth the extra charge.  As far me, I’ll agree that the 3D probably wasn’t utilized as well as it could have been but I still thought it was effective enough to justify the extra cost.  Side note:  Being able to watch the Resident Evil trailer in 3D alone was worth the two bucks!

All in all, the movie was ridiculous, fast-paced and over the top.  It won’t win any Oscars but it doesn’t aim to.  It just aims to have fun and I think it accomplished it well.  I would definitely watch it again.

4 out of 5. 

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