cleaning house

For the longest time, I couldn’t figure out how to remove people from following my blog. I looked up blocking but was told you can’t block anyone. You can only make your blog private. I certainly didn’t want to do that.

One day, as I was going through some of my followers, I noticed you can remove people from getting notifications. So I did that. Not exactly blocking but at least they won’t be notified of when I update. I suppose if they go through the trouble of seeing if I’ve updated, I can’t help that. But it makes me feel better knowing they won’t have a direct line to my life.

Toward the end of the year, I removed a few people from my social media sites (and thus my life) because I realized they weren’t good for me. And for a while, I struggled with whether or not my reasons for this removal were valid. Once I realized I didn’t have to justify my actions to anyone, I felt good having taken away some of the negative energy. But a few people still had access to me through this blog. And I even tried to start an alternate blog but somehow they found me and started following that one as well.

And I wondered why.

This person did not care about me as a person or friend. Did not support my writing endeavors. If anything, they probably only kept me around to make themselves feel better and more talented. As much as I gave myself as friend and as much as I supported their various projects, I never felt that support reciprocated. And I told that person this much. And their response was underwhelming. No apologies. No validation of my feelings. And that’s when I realized that I had made the right decision to distance myself from them.

I give a lot of myself on this blog. It’s not that anything I write is so profound or that it’s only for a few privileged people to read but I have opened up my life and put it out there for others to hopefully relate to and understand. Something in which they can find a connection. And for that person to continue to take parts of me, to still get glimpses into my life when they did not choose to do the same for me, just felt kind of unfair. It was just more taking on their part.

And I hope by being able to remove them, I have taken a little bit of myself back. I want to help people. I want to support their artistic goals. But I don’t want it to be because they tear me down to make themselves feel better. I’ve had enough people do that to me and I just can’t allow that to happen anymore. I don’t think much of myself but I know I deserve better than that.

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